Burd.



Play with me, Marjorie

Marge Simpson reveals all her unnecessary details for Playboy Magazine

By Angela Espinoza

ll rakes aside, I shudder as I write
A The November issue of

Playboy will be featuring Marge
Simpson as the next cover girl, giving her
a revealing three-page spread.

First off, have women let themselves
go to the point that men have to rely on
cartoon characters in order to get through
those lonely nights? Even then, why
Marge Simpson? Doesn’t someone like
Jessica Rabbit seem a bit more plausible?
Either way, the issue is merely meant as a
collector’s item.

Current Chief Executive of Playboy

Long before I could differentiate between
reality and fiction, I always saw the
Simpsons as my second family. So to tell
me they were “inappropriate” at such a
young age was like telling me my own
parents were bad people.

Bart was the mischief maker I could
watch do ridiculous stunts so I knew not
to do them myself. I always thought Lisa’s
voice of reasoning flew past my head,
but many of the things she said ended up
making an impact on my beliefs. “Lisa’s
First Word” gave me some understanding
of what having my own baby sister would
be like one day, even if her subsequent
chatterbox ways contrast with Maggie’s.

“It’s like seeing your own mother not only appear in the
magazine, but having everyone know exactly who she is.”

Enterprises, Scott Flanders (relation to
Ned still not proven), gave his okily-
dokily for the event to take place in hopes
of reaching younger readers. I’ve been
wondering if this age group covers the
10-and-up demographic. In fact, The
Simpson’s episode “All’s Fair in Oven
War” depicts a situation in which Marge
discovers Homer’s stack of Playdude’s.
Homer explains he purchases them
merely for the articles, prompting Marge
to cut out and dispose of all the nude
photos. A disgruntled Homer throws the
magazines out, only to be found by Bart
and Millhouse, who begin to read and only
partially understand the adult magazines.

That’s the Marge Simpson we’ ve
come to know and love: the loving wife
and dedicated mother of three. Save for
the time Marge and Homer appeared
nude on the cover of a local newspaper,
which their children saw. But I digress.
Marge Simpson has become an icon of the
modern day housewife.

Growing up, I always heard kids say
their parents never let them watch The
Simpson’s because it was inappropriate; I
had no idea what those kids were talking
about. Since my diaper days, my parents
always allowed me to watch the show.

When I couldn’t understand the jokes,

it was Homer’s buffoonery that drove me
to laughter. No matter how many times I
saw it, Homer yelling, “Why you little!”
before choking his son drove me wild—
mainly because it contrasted so severely
with my own father.
Then there was Marge, the mom:

the authority in my house and theirs. As
a child, I could always openly oppose my

father, but when Mom was mad, you didn’t

screw around. So at first, I never took a
real liking to Marge—I always thought
she was trying to spoil the fun. But as
I’ve grown up with both my own mother
and Marge, I’ve learned that they’re
eerily similar. So it was never that I could
“take-or-leave” Marge, it was that once
the episode was over, the real Marge, my
mom, was right there again.

You now have an understanding
of why seeing Marge grace the cover of
Playboy disgusts me so. It’s like seeing
your own mother not only appear in the
magazine, but having everyone know
exactly who she is. This isn’t our Marge,
so if Matt Groening would kindly erase
such etchings, I think we should let
Playboy know Megan Fox is still up for
grabs.







a
Tt

i





Deftones’ chaotic career can be summed up in a car crash
After a year of trials, Deftones hit Vancouver in support of Slipknot

By Jay Schreiber, Arts Editor

omewhere between a grungy punk
S club in Seattle and the heavy metal

scene in L.A., nu-metal spawned
a handful of West Coast groups that took
over the airwaves with de-tuned guitars,
tattoos and dreadlocks. For most bands
of this era today, the ride is pretty much
over but as history teaches us, the strong
survive and soldier on.

Nu-metal is a subgenre of heavy

metal that doesn’t focus on speed or

solos, but rather lyrical content and heavy

hitting riffs on seven-string guitars.
Drums have to be big, loud and usually
surround the drummer completely and
unlike other categories of metal, short
hair is acceptable.

The content, or drive, behind Nu-
Metal comes from deeply seated personal
problems with band members including
drug addictions, family issues or sexual
confusion. It takes a disturbed individual
to be into this style of music, and most
of the fan base finds that they don’t fit in
with the rest of society.

Starting back in ‘95, Korn can be
credited with spawning the genre after

the release of their debut self-titled album

took them from tiny goth clubs of 30
people or less to a national audience.
Korn has since then dealt with their own
personal issues losing, David Silveria

Deftones



“[Change] is one of those tunes that brings everyone in the band and
in the arena together as one for that moment. You can’t fake that!”
—Stephen Carpenter of the Deftones

to family problems, and Brian “Head”
Welch to Christianity.

On October 15 at the Pacific
Coliseum, two of nu-metal’s key figures
gave fans in Vancouver a walk down
memory lane as Deftones and Slipknot
rocked the stage in a double bill.

Deftones took the stage early and
left too soon beginning at a ridiculous
7:30 p.m. start time. Hits came quick
and often in their unusually short set of
one hour. It pained both me and every
Deftones fan in the arena to see the band
playing at an almost insulting set time
but there’s not much you can do unless
you’re the tour manager.

The last few times the Deftones
played Vancouver, they’ve been able to
sell out three consecutive shows at the
Commodore Ballroom, one time playing
their entire catalogue in chronological
order. Hits such as “My Own Summer”
and “Around the Fur” got people on their
feet and singing along with lead singer
Chino Moreno while a dedicated crowd
stayed glued to the show.

“Whenever we play this song,
something special happens to the
audience,” lead guitarist Stephen
Carpenter said of the band’s hit song
“Change.” “It’s one of those tunes that
brings everyone in the band and in the
arena together as one for that moment.
You can’t fake that!”

Faking things is exactly what
headlining act Slipknot is all about.
Slipknot was an original nu-metal act in
the ‘90s and went for more of a “shock

rock” image, wearing masks and having
nine members in jump suits perform a
forgettable stage show.

Slipknot belted out their radio hits
while auxiliary drummers/film crew
pounded on large tubs in time with
crazy contraptions that lifted them to the
scaffolding. I am so not impressed... long
hair was whipped around and bottles of
water sprayed on the crowd made the
event unpleasant to participate in but
more fun as a spectator sport.

Deftones, who have been around for
a decade longer than Slipknot have been
officially shafted by attention seeking
gimmick rockers. Such is the way most
nu-metal bands are nowadays, and I
guess the groups that figuratively suck the
media’s dick get top billing.

The Deftones have had a chaotic
career, which started with a car crash, and
just about ended with one as well. After
insurance from an automotive run-in paid
off some 20 years ago, the band found
financial support and bought their first
instruments. About a year ago, original
bassist Chi Cheng went comatose after he
crashed his car and just about ended the
Deftones. Since then, web pages such as
oneloveforchi.com have surfaced and as
of about three months ago, Chi regained a
degree of consciousness and is in a more
functional state.

About half of the Coliseum left
the venue around the same time the
Deftones did. The tour manager may not
have gotten the picture, but the fans in
Vancouver sure as hell did!