Image
File
Festival attendees frantic to douse flames
» Younger demographic taking responsibility for our forests
Chandler Walter
Humour Editor,
4 humour@theotherpress.ca
weather creating massive
forest fires throughout BC, one
group has risen above the rest in
the effort to keep our forests safe.
Festival-going youth
have, surprisingly, taken it
upon themselves to spearhead
the efforts in conserving BC’s
beautiful forests, and douse the
flames threatening our homes,
music festivals.
“It’s just a real tragedy,” said
Eric Wells, a student of 19. “These
seems to care. People toss their
cigarettes around carelessly; it’s
as if they don’t know about the
: real damage it can do. I almost
: missed PembyFest because of all
: this. If I didn’t get to see Kendrick
: Lamar, my summer would have
ith the recent arrival of dry been as ruined as those hundreds
: of acres of forest, so we gotta do
: something to stop this.”
: affected by the fires, and most are
: working round the clock to ensure :
: that their favourite festivals will go
uninterrupted this summer.
: thousand up in Squamish,
: assisting the fire department,’
: ; : Wells explained. “There are
our air, and, most importantly, our : ,
> also almost 100 of us in the
: campgrounds, 24/7 rain dancing.”
: for the festival attendees is the
fires are out of control, and noone :
: fire ban caused by the dry forests.
“Otherwise the ban will be on
Many music lovers have been
“Yeah, we've got a few
Evidently the leading concern
“We need it to rain,” Wells said.
: and we can't smoke cigarettes or
: joints during the festival. And if
: you can't do that, what’s even the
point, you know?”
“J just can’t believe the
: damage all this fire stuff can
: cause,” Courtney Lure, 22, tellsus. :
“It’s like, it totally kills the vibe,
: with all the smoke and whatever.
We can‘ have that, it makes for
: bad trips.”
Upon further investigation,
: it was made clear that Ms. Lure
: was not referring to “road trips,”
: or road conditions. “I have $600
: invested in this summer’s festivals, :
: losing that would probably be :
: the biggest buzzkill of the whole
summer,’ she complained.
It’s also terrible for the
wildlife,” Jon Mills explained to
: us, after taking a short break from:
: his hacky sack circle. “I mean, the
: fires just ravage everything in their :
: way, and I know of a few great
: grow-opsall over BC. It would be
: a pity if those burned with all the
: other worthless trees or whatever.”
When asked about concern
for the fires raging in northern
: BC, or any plans to help those
: firefighters in their struggle, Mills
: was dumbfounded. “There are no
: festivals up there this summer,
: why does it matter?”
Advertisement
More like Jason TruDON’T
Explicit political truths revealed
Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
What is important to you, average Canadian
voter? Whatever that is, Jason Trudoe hates it
and wants it destroyed.
Do you care about the well-being of
wholesome Canadian families? Jason Trudoe
wants to tax them into the ground.
Perhaps you worry about the safety of our
beautiful country? Jason Trudoe isn’t at all,
he’s anti-safety.
Maybe you hope for the financial security of
a thriving economy? Apparently that isn’t in
Jason Trudoe’s plans for Canada either, as
he is quoted saying “... and the budget will
balance itself.” Who’s he kidding?! It’s insane
to think that a political leader would come to
such a conclusion without discussing any
prior information regarding the budget; it’s as
if he doesn’t even care!
“Who's he kidding?”
— a wise-looking, elderly black man
We, the Sarcastative Political Party of
Canada, know that each voter is a valued
and intelligent individual. In fact, we won’t
even bother to explain our political agenda in
these advertisements, because we know you
are all informed on the larger issues. Nor will
we discuss the political stance of the other
party, because that’s a lot of boring stuff that
probably won’t get you as emotional and
angry as other, simpler things.
Wow. Sure looks like everybody hates this
Jason Trudoe guy. You sure wouldn’t want to
be the one person in the neighbourhood who
votes for him; everyone else would probably
think you’re a weed-using hippie that hates
freedom.
You don’t hate freedom, do you?
Vote for us, the Sarcastative Party of Canada,
because personal aspects of the other party’s
Like, have you seen Jason Trudoe’s hair? leader are somewhat controversial.
Who’s he kidding?! There’s even a video
of him taking off his shirt; isn’t this man just
an animal? | wouldn’t want him running our
country.
| mean, just look at that hair. Have you
seen his hair? No, seriously, your political
decisions—ones that will determine the fate of
this country—should rest on a man’s haircut.
Just ask a few of these well-informed,
culturally diverse citizens:
Or so we like to think.
“l'm not saying never, just not right now.”
—a middle-aged woman/mother
This ad was created and paid for by the
Sarcastative Political Party of Canada and
in no way represents the beliefs of this
“He's just not ready” newspaper.
—a wise-looking, elderly white man
» Younger demographic taking responsibility for our forests
Chandler Walter
Humour Editor,
4 humour@theotherpress.ca
weather creating massive
forest fires throughout BC, one
group has risen above the rest in
the effort to keep our forests safe.
Festival-going youth
have, surprisingly, taken it
upon themselves to spearhead
the efforts in conserving BC’s
beautiful forests, and douse the
flames threatening our homes,
music festivals.
“It’s just a real tragedy,” said
Eric Wells, a student of 19. “These
seems to care. People toss their
cigarettes around carelessly; it’s
as if they don’t know about the
: real damage it can do. I almost
: missed PembyFest because of all
: this. If I didn’t get to see Kendrick
: Lamar, my summer would have
ith the recent arrival of dry been as ruined as those hundreds
: of acres of forest, so we gotta do
: something to stop this.”
: affected by the fires, and most are
: working round the clock to ensure :
: that their favourite festivals will go
uninterrupted this summer.
: thousand up in Squamish,
: assisting the fire department,’
: ; : Wells explained. “There are
our air, and, most importantly, our : ,
> also almost 100 of us in the
: campgrounds, 24/7 rain dancing.”
: for the festival attendees is the
fires are out of control, and noone :
: fire ban caused by the dry forests.
“Otherwise the ban will be on
Many music lovers have been
“Yeah, we've got a few
Evidently the leading concern
“We need it to rain,” Wells said.
: and we can't smoke cigarettes or
: joints during the festival. And if
: you can't do that, what’s even the
point, you know?”
“J just can’t believe the
: damage all this fire stuff can
: cause,” Courtney Lure, 22, tellsus. :
“It’s like, it totally kills the vibe,
: with all the smoke and whatever.
We can‘ have that, it makes for
: bad trips.”
Upon further investigation,
: it was made clear that Ms. Lure
: was not referring to “road trips,”
: or road conditions. “I have $600
: invested in this summer’s festivals, :
: losing that would probably be :
: the biggest buzzkill of the whole
summer,’ she complained.
It’s also terrible for the
wildlife,” Jon Mills explained to
: us, after taking a short break from:
: his hacky sack circle. “I mean, the
: fires just ravage everything in their :
: way, and I know of a few great
: grow-opsall over BC. It would be
: a pity if those burned with all the
: other worthless trees or whatever.”
When asked about concern
for the fires raging in northern
: BC, or any plans to help those
: firefighters in their struggle, Mills
: was dumbfounded. “There are no
: festivals up there this summer,
: why does it matter?”
Advertisement
More like Jason TruDON’T
Explicit political truths revealed
Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
What is important to you, average Canadian
voter? Whatever that is, Jason Trudoe hates it
and wants it destroyed.
Do you care about the well-being of
wholesome Canadian families? Jason Trudoe
wants to tax them into the ground.
Perhaps you worry about the safety of our
beautiful country? Jason Trudoe isn’t at all,
he’s anti-safety.
Maybe you hope for the financial security of
a thriving economy? Apparently that isn’t in
Jason Trudoe’s plans for Canada either, as
he is quoted saying “... and the budget will
balance itself.” Who’s he kidding?! It’s insane
to think that a political leader would come to
such a conclusion without discussing any
prior information regarding the budget; it’s as
if he doesn’t even care!
“Who's he kidding?”
— a wise-looking, elderly black man
We, the Sarcastative Political Party of
Canada, know that each voter is a valued
and intelligent individual. In fact, we won’t
even bother to explain our political agenda in
these advertisements, because we know you
are all informed on the larger issues. Nor will
we discuss the political stance of the other
party, because that’s a lot of boring stuff that
probably won’t get you as emotional and
angry as other, simpler things.
Wow. Sure looks like everybody hates this
Jason Trudoe guy. You sure wouldn’t want to
be the one person in the neighbourhood who
votes for him; everyone else would probably
think you’re a weed-using hippie that hates
freedom.
You don’t hate freedom, do you?
Vote for us, the Sarcastative Party of Canada,
because personal aspects of the other party’s
Like, have you seen Jason Trudoe’s hair? leader are somewhat controversial.
Who’s he kidding?! There’s even a video
of him taking off his shirt; isn’t this man just
an animal? | wouldn’t want him running our
country.
| mean, just look at that hair. Have you
seen his hair? No, seriously, your political
decisions—ones that will determine the fate of
this country—should rest on a man’s haircut.
Just ask a few of these well-informed,
culturally diverse citizens:
Or so we like to think.
“l'm not saying never, just not right now.”
—a middle-aged woman/mother
This ad was created and paid for by the
Sarcastative Political Party of Canada and
in no way represents the beliefs of this
“He's just not ready” newspaper.
—a wise-looking, elderly white man
Edited Text
Festival attendees frantic to douse flames
» Younger demographic taking responsibility for our forests
Chandler Walter
Humour Editor,
4 humour@theotherpress.ca
weather creating massive
forest fires throughout BC, one
group has risen above the rest in
the effort to keep our forests safe.
Festival-going youth
have, surprisingly, taken it
upon themselves to spearhead
the efforts in conserving BC’s
beautiful forests, and douse the
flames threatening our homes,
music festivals.
“It’s just a real tragedy,” said
Eric Wells, a student of 19. “These
seems to care. People toss their
cigarettes around carelessly; it’s
as if they don’t know about the
: real damage it can do. I almost
: missed PembyFest because of all
: this. If I didn’t get to see Kendrick
: Lamar, my summer would have
ith the recent arrival of dry been as ruined as those hundreds
: of acres of forest, so we gotta do
: something to stop this.”
: affected by the fires, and most are
: working round the clock to ensure :
: that their favourite festivals will go
uninterrupted this summer.
: thousand up in Squamish,
: assisting the fire department,’
: ; : Wells explained. “There are
our air, and, most importantly, our : ,
> also almost 100 of us in the
: campgrounds, 24/7 rain dancing.”
: for the festival attendees is the
fires are out of control, and noone :
: fire ban caused by the dry forests.
“Otherwise the ban will be on
Many music lovers have been
“Yeah, we've got a few
Evidently the leading concern
“We need it to rain,” Wells said.
: and we can't smoke cigarettes or
: joints during the festival. And if
: you can't do that, what’s even the
point, you know?”
“J just can’t believe the
: damage all this fire stuff can
: cause,” Courtney Lure, 22, tellsus. :
“It’s like, it totally kills the vibe,
: with all the smoke and whatever.
We can‘ have that, it makes for
: bad trips.”
Upon further investigation,
: it was made clear that Ms. Lure
: was not referring to “road trips,”
: or road conditions. “I have $600
: invested in this summer’s festivals, :
: losing that would probably be :
: the biggest buzzkill of the whole
summer,’ she complained.
It’s also terrible for the
wildlife,” Jon Mills explained to
: us, after taking a short break from:
: his hacky sack circle. “I mean, the
: fires just ravage everything in their :
: way, and I know of a few great
: grow-opsall over BC. It would be
: a pity if those burned with all the
: other worthless trees or whatever.”
When asked about concern
for the fires raging in northern
: BC, or any plans to help those
: firefighters in their struggle, Mills
: was dumbfounded. “There are no
: festivals up there this summer,
: why does it matter?”
Advertisement
More like Jason TruDON’T
Explicit political truths revealed
Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
What is important to you, average Canadian
voter? Whatever that is, Jason Trudoe hates it
and wants it destroyed.
Do you care about the well-being of
wholesome Canadian families? Jason Trudoe
wants to tax them into the ground.
Perhaps you worry about the safety of our
beautiful country? Jason Trudoe isn’t at all,
he’s anti-safety.
Maybe you hope for the financial security of
a thriving economy? Apparently that isn’t in
Jason Trudoe’s plans for Canada either, as
he is quoted saying “... and the budget will
balance itself.” Who’s he kidding?! It’s insane
to think that a political leader would come to
such a conclusion without discussing any
prior information regarding the budget; it’s as
if he doesn’t even care!
“Who's he kidding?”
— a wise-looking, elderly black man
We, the Sarcastative Political Party of
Canada, know that each voter is a valued
and intelligent individual. In fact, we won’t
even bother to explain our political agenda in
these advertisements, because we know you
are all informed on the larger issues. Nor will
we discuss the political stance of the other
party, because that’s a lot of boring stuff that
probably won’t get you as emotional and
angry as other, simpler things.
Wow. Sure looks like everybody hates this
Jason Trudoe guy. You sure wouldn’t want to
be the one person in the neighbourhood who
votes for him; everyone else would probably
think you’re a weed-using hippie that hates
freedom.
You don’t hate freedom, do you?
Vote for us, the Sarcastative Party of Canada,
because personal aspects of the other party’s
Like, have you seen Jason Trudoe’s hair? leader are somewhat controversial.
Who’s he kidding?! There’s even a video
of him taking off his shirt; isn’t this man just
an animal? | wouldn’t want him running our
country.
| mean, just look at that hair. Have you
seen his hair? No, seriously, your political
decisions—ones that will determine the fate of
this country—should rest on a man’s haircut.
Just ask a few of these well-informed,
culturally diverse citizens:
Or so we like to think.
“l'm not saying never, just not right now.”
—a middle-aged woman/mother
This ad was created and paid for by the
Sarcastative Political Party of Canada and
in no way represents the beliefs of this
“He's just not ready” newspaper.
—a wise-looking, elderly white man
» Younger demographic taking responsibility for our forests
Chandler Walter
Humour Editor,
4 humour@theotherpress.ca
weather creating massive
forest fires throughout BC, one
group has risen above the rest in
the effort to keep our forests safe.
Festival-going youth
have, surprisingly, taken it
upon themselves to spearhead
the efforts in conserving BC’s
beautiful forests, and douse the
flames threatening our homes,
music festivals.
“It’s just a real tragedy,” said
Eric Wells, a student of 19. “These
seems to care. People toss their
cigarettes around carelessly; it’s
as if they don’t know about the
: real damage it can do. I almost
: missed PembyFest because of all
: this. If I didn’t get to see Kendrick
: Lamar, my summer would have
ith the recent arrival of dry been as ruined as those hundreds
: of acres of forest, so we gotta do
: something to stop this.”
: affected by the fires, and most are
: working round the clock to ensure :
: that their favourite festivals will go
uninterrupted this summer.
: thousand up in Squamish,
: assisting the fire department,’
: ; : Wells explained. “There are
our air, and, most importantly, our : ,
> also almost 100 of us in the
: campgrounds, 24/7 rain dancing.”
: for the festival attendees is the
fires are out of control, and noone :
: fire ban caused by the dry forests.
“Otherwise the ban will be on
Many music lovers have been
“Yeah, we've got a few
Evidently the leading concern
“We need it to rain,” Wells said.
: and we can't smoke cigarettes or
: joints during the festival. And if
: you can't do that, what’s even the
point, you know?”
“J just can’t believe the
: damage all this fire stuff can
: cause,” Courtney Lure, 22, tellsus. :
“It’s like, it totally kills the vibe,
: with all the smoke and whatever.
We can‘ have that, it makes for
: bad trips.”
Upon further investigation,
: it was made clear that Ms. Lure
: was not referring to “road trips,”
: or road conditions. “I have $600
: invested in this summer’s festivals, :
: losing that would probably be :
: the biggest buzzkill of the whole
summer,’ she complained.
It’s also terrible for the
wildlife,” Jon Mills explained to
: us, after taking a short break from:
: his hacky sack circle. “I mean, the
: fires just ravage everything in their :
: way, and I know of a few great
: grow-opsall over BC. It would be
: a pity if those burned with all the
: other worthless trees or whatever.”
When asked about concern
for the fires raging in northern
: BC, or any plans to help those
: firefighters in their struggle, Mills
: was dumbfounded. “There are no
: festivals up there this summer,
: why does it matter?”
Advertisement
More like Jason TruDON’T
Explicit political truths revealed
Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
What is important to you, average Canadian
voter? Whatever that is, Jason Trudoe hates it
and wants it destroyed.
Do you care about the well-being of
wholesome Canadian families? Jason Trudoe
wants to tax them into the ground.
Perhaps you worry about the safety of our
beautiful country? Jason Trudoe isn’t at all,
he’s anti-safety.
Maybe you hope for the financial security of
a thriving economy? Apparently that isn’t in
Jason Trudoe’s plans for Canada either, as
he is quoted saying “... and the budget will
balance itself.” Who’s he kidding?! It’s insane
to think that a political leader would come to
such a conclusion without discussing any
prior information regarding the budget; it’s as
if he doesn’t even care!
“Who's he kidding?”
— a wise-looking, elderly black man
We, the Sarcastative Political Party of
Canada, know that each voter is a valued
and intelligent individual. In fact, we won’t
even bother to explain our political agenda in
these advertisements, because we know you
are all informed on the larger issues. Nor will
we discuss the political stance of the other
party, because that’s a lot of boring stuff that
probably won’t get you as emotional and
angry as other, simpler things.
Wow. Sure looks like everybody hates this
Jason Trudoe guy. You sure wouldn’t want to
be the one person in the neighbourhood who
votes for him; everyone else would probably
think you’re a weed-using hippie that hates
freedom.
You don’t hate freedom, do you?
Vote for us, the Sarcastative Party of Canada,
because personal aspects of the other party’s
Like, have you seen Jason Trudoe’s hair? leader are somewhat controversial.
Who’s he kidding?! There’s even a video
of him taking off his shirt; isn’t this man just
an animal? | wouldn’t want him running our
country.
| mean, just look at that hair. Have you
seen his hair? No, seriously, your political
decisions—ones that will determine the fate of
this country—should rest on a man’s haircut.
Just ask a few of these well-informed,
culturally diverse citizens:
Or so we like to think.
“l'm not saying never, just not right now.”
—a middle-aged woman/mother
This ad was created and paid for by the
Sarcastative Political Party of Canada and
in no way represents the beliefs of this
“He's just not ready” newspaper.
—a wise-looking, elderly white man
» Younger demographic taking responsibility for our forests
Chandler Walter
Humour Editor,
4 humour@theotherpress.ca
weather creating massive
forest fires throughout BC, one
group has risen above the rest in
the effort to keep our forests safe.
Festival-going youth
have, surprisingly, taken it
upon themselves to spearhead
the efforts in conserving BC’s
beautiful forests, and douse the
flames threatening our homes,
music festivals.
“It’s just a real tragedy,” said
Eric Wells, a student of 19. “These
seems to care. People toss their
cigarettes around carelessly; it’s
as if they don’t know about the
: real damage it can do. I almost
: missed PembyFest because of all
: this. If I didn’t get to see Kendrick
: Lamar, my summer would have
ith the recent arrival of dry been as ruined as those hundreds
: of acres of forest, so we gotta do
: something to stop this.”
: affected by the fires, and most are
: working round the clock to ensure :
: that their favourite festivals will go
uninterrupted this summer.
: thousand up in Squamish,
: assisting the fire department,’
: ; : Wells explained. “There are
our air, and, most importantly, our : ,
> also almost 100 of us in the
: campgrounds, 24/7 rain dancing.”
: for the festival attendees is the
fires are out of control, and noone :
: fire ban caused by the dry forests.
“Otherwise the ban will be on
Many music lovers have been
“Yeah, we've got a few
Evidently the leading concern
“We need it to rain,” Wells said.
: and we can't smoke cigarettes or
: joints during the festival. And if
: you can't do that, what’s even the
point, you know?”
“J just can’t believe the
: damage all this fire stuff can
: cause,” Courtney Lure, 22, tellsus. :
“It’s like, it totally kills the vibe,
: with all the smoke and whatever.
We can‘ have that, it makes for
: bad trips.”
Upon further investigation,
: it was made clear that Ms. Lure
: was not referring to “road trips,”
: or road conditions. “I have $600
: invested in this summer’s festivals, :
: losing that would probably be :
: the biggest buzzkill of the whole
summer,’ she complained.
It’s also terrible for the
wildlife,” Jon Mills explained to
: us, after taking a short break from:
: his hacky sack circle. “I mean, the
: fires just ravage everything in their :
: way, and I know of a few great
: grow-opsall over BC. It would be
: a pity if those burned with all the
: other worthless trees or whatever.”
When asked about concern
for the fires raging in northern
: BC, or any plans to help those
: firefighters in their struggle, Mills
: was dumbfounded. “There are no
: festivals up there this summer,
: why does it matter?”
Advertisement
More like Jason TruDON’T
Explicit political truths revealed
Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
What is important to you, average Canadian
voter? Whatever that is, Jason Trudoe hates it
and wants it destroyed.
Do you care about the well-being of
wholesome Canadian families? Jason Trudoe
wants to tax them into the ground.
Perhaps you worry about the safety of our
beautiful country? Jason Trudoe isn’t at all,
he’s anti-safety.
Maybe you hope for the financial security of
a thriving economy? Apparently that isn’t in
Jason Trudoe’s plans for Canada either, as
he is quoted saying “... and the budget will
balance itself.” Who’s he kidding?! It’s insane
to think that a political leader would come to
such a conclusion without discussing any
prior information regarding the budget; it’s as
if he doesn’t even care!
“Who's he kidding?”
— a wise-looking, elderly black man
We, the Sarcastative Political Party of
Canada, know that each voter is a valued
and intelligent individual. In fact, we won’t
even bother to explain our political agenda in
these advertisements, because we know you
are all informed on the larger issues. Nor will
we discuss the political stance of the other
party, because that’s a lot of boring stuff that
probably won’t get you as emotional and
angry as other, simpler things.
Wow. Sure looks like everybody hates this
Jason Trudoe guy. You sure wouldn’t want to
be the one person in the neighbourhood who
votes for him; everyone else would probably
think you’re a weed-using hippie that hates
freedom.
You don’t hate freedom, do you?
Vote for us, the Sarcastative Party of Canada,
because personal aspects of the other party’s
Like, have you seen Jason Trudoe’s hair? leader are somewhat controversial.
Who’s he kidding?! There’s even a video
of him taking off his shirt; isn’t this man just
an animal? | wouldn’t want him running our
country.
| mean, just look at that hair. Have you
seen his hair? No, seriously, your political
decisions—ones that will determine the fate of
this country—should rest on a man’s haircut.
Just ask a few of these well-informed,
culturally diverse citizens:
Or so we like to think.
“l'm not saying never, just not right now.”
—a middle-aged woman/mother
This ad was created and paid for by the
Sarcastative Political Party of Canada and
in no way represents the beliefs of this
“He's just not ready” newspaper.
—a wise-looking, elderly white man
» Younger demographic taking responsibility for our forests
Chandler Walter
Humour Editor,
4 humour@theotherpress.ca
weather creating massive
forest fires throughout BC, one
group has risen above the rest in
the effort to keep our forests safe.
Festival-going youth
have, surprisingly, taken it
upon themselves to spearhead
the efforts in conserving BC’s
beautiful forests, and douse the
flames threatening our homes,
music festivals.
“It’s just a real tragedy,” said
Eric Wells, a student of 19. “These
seems to care. People toss their
cigarettes around carelessly; it’s
as if they don’t know about the
: real damage it can do. I almost
: missed PembyFest because of all
: this. If I didn’t get to see Kendrick
: Lamar, my summer would have
ith the recent arrival of dry been as ruined as those hundreds
: of acres of forest, so we gotta do
: something to stop this.”
: affected by the fires, and most are
: working round the clock to ensure :
: that their favourite festivals will go
uninterrupted this summer.
: thousand up in Squamish,
: assisting the fire department,’
: ; : Wells explained. “There are
our air, and, most importantly, our : ,
> also almost 100 of us in the
: campgrounds, 24/7 rain dancing.”
: for the festival attendees is the
fires are out of control, and noone :
: fire ban caused by the dry forests.
“Otherwise the ban will be on
Many music lovers have been
“Yeah, we've got a few
Evidently the leading concern
“We need it to rain,” Wells said.
: and we can't smoke cigarettes or
: joints during the festival. And if
: you can't do that, what’s even the
point, you know?”
“J just can’t believe the
: damage all this fire stuff can
: cause,” Courtney Lure, 22, tellsus. :
“It’s like, it totally kills the vibe,
: with all the smoke and whatever.
We can‘ have that, it makes for
: bad trips.”
Upon further investigation,
: it was made clear that Ms. Lure
: was not referring to “road trips,”
: or road conditions. “I have $600
: invested in this summer’s festivals, :
: losing that would probably be :
: the biggest buzzkill of the whole
summer,’ she complained.
It’s also terrible for the
wildlife,” Jon Mills explained to
: us, after taking a short break from:
: his hacky sack circle. “I mean, the
: fires just ravage everything in their :
: way, and I know of a few great
: grow-opsall over BC. It would be
: a pity if those burned with all the
: other worthless trees or whatever.”
When asked about concern
for the fires raging in northern
: BC, or any plans to help those
: firefighters in their struggle, Mills
: was dumbfounded. “There are no
: festivals up there this summer,
: why does it matter?”
Advertisement
More like Jason TruDON’T
Explicit political truths revealed
Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
What is important to you, average Canadian
voter? Whatever that is, Jason Trudoe hates it
and wants it destroyed.
Do you care about the well-being of
wholesome Canadian families? Jason Trudoe
wants to tax them into the ground.
Perhaps you worry about the safety of our
beautiful country? Jason Trudoe isn’t at all,
he’s anti-safety.
Maybe you hope for the financial security of
a thriving economy? Apparently that isn’t in
Jason Trudoe’s plans for Canada either, as
he is quoted saying “... and the budget will
balance itself.” Who’s he kidding?! It’s insane
to think that a political leader would come to
such a conclusion without discussing any
prior information regarding the budget; it’s as
if he doesn’t even care!
“Who's he kidding?”
— a wise-looking, elderly black man
We, the Sarcastative Political Party of
Canada, know that each voter is a valued
and intelligent individual. In fact, we won’t
even bother to explain our political agenda in
these advertisements, because we know you
are all informed on the larger issues. Nor will
we discuss the political stance of the other
party, because that’s a lot of boring stuff that
probably won’t get you as emotional and
angry as other, simpler things.
Wow. Sure looks like everybody hates this
Jason Trudoe guy. You sure wouldn’t want to
be the one person in the neighbourhood who
votes for him; everyone else would probably
think you’re a weed-using hippie that hates
freedom.
You don’t hate freedom, do you?
Vote for us, the Sarcastative Party of Canada,
because personal aspects of the other party’s
Like, have you seen Jason Trudoe’s hair? leader are somewhat controversial.
Who’s he kidding?! There’s even a video
of him taking off his shirt; isn’t this man just
an animal? | wouldn’t want him running our
country.
| mean, just look at that hair. Have you
seen his hair? No, seriously, your political
decisions—ones that will determine the fate of
this country—should rest on a man’s haircut.
Just ask a few of these well-informed,
culturally diverse citizens:
Or so we like to think.
“l'm not saying never, just not right now.”
—a middle-aged woman/mother
This ad was created and paid for by the
Sarcastative Political Party of Canada and
in no way represents the beliefs of this
“He's just not ready” newspaper.
—a wise-looking, elderly white man